Falling Out

Some might say that we had a kind of falling out with one another. The falling out was represented by the pillows, dog, cushions, and other paraphernalia in the middle of the bed that were separating us. When things returned to normal, the pillows and paraphernalia were removed and the couple was once again at peace. The falling out actually turned into a falling in as trust and confidence were restored on both sides.

But before the term “falling out” escapes us, even though the subsequent information will be somewhat self-incriminating (to the person involved), I must disclose that one of the two partners was still cursed with another kind of falling out. A little after this person’s teen years, he/she started to lose something very dear to him/her. This person’s father combed his hair straight back and this hair style fit him well. One day this person and his/her father were together outdoors when the wind began to blow. The indicated person looked at the father and noticed a sudden transformation. The hair that had been combed back was now standing straight up and something that hadn’t been seen before now became a startling reality. The father combed his hair straight back and kept it a little longer on top to cover a large round spot near the crown of his head where there had been a falling out. This ‘indecent exposure’ invariably happened when it was windy and the father forgot to wear his ‘fallout shelter’ or derby hat. It looked like the father was preparing for his mar mitzvah and had shaved his head to place a ‘kippah’ or skull cap there to cover his head; it was that exact size. This person was hoping that these were genes that he/she wouldn’t inherit from his/her father. As this person started to lose hair in that very same spot he/she had to learn to deal with losing hair and the very same spot as his/her father.

And not just losing it, but losing it early in life. The person became distraught with the reality of that happening. It was a hopeless plight. Unlike other infirmities, a reversal of the situation was, for all practical purposes, impossible. In the midst of total despondency, a good friend who was a successful businessman and was bald came by to visit. The person began to tell the friend about the dilemma and the person’s fear of becoming, (not to offend him) like an airport runway on top, where there’s nothing growing, just cement/concrete…then he/she really stuck his/her neck out and used the words “like you”…hoping the friend wouldn’t be offended…the businessman came back with something that showed his self-confidence and optimism: “Friend, remember this: Good men always come out on top!” He had repeated this often to friends, family, and others who were in a similar plight. Yes! I always felt like I was an o.k. guy, and now I, like my friend, was coming out on top. Oops! I slipped! (OK I got tired of the he/she and his/her stuff, so I now confess- Yes, I’M THE ONE WITH THE FALLOUT PROBLEM.

Addendum—There are just a few drawbacks still from my situation. In order to prevent clogging up the drain in the bathtub I bought a plastic grated screen to put over it. It catches the loose hair that falls out when taking a shower. Mine, along with the hair that the two other household members lose. Now it’s time to get even… I won’t mention any names, but I am the only male member of the household.

Addendum #2— I neglected to mention what happens also to the drain on the bathroom sink.

Addendum #3— Something curious happened recently. The other day I went to a school football game to root for my kids. It was a sunny day, I should have worn my fallout shelter, but forgot to (it gets pretty sunburned up there). I sat on the front row, and behind me were all the other parents rooting for their kids. The game began at 12 noon. When our team made its first touchdown, I stood up and yelled, “All right! You did it!” and applauded; I turned around and looked at all the fans—many were parents of the school kids too--to see their reaction on our team’s first touchdown. They had all put on their sunglasses. Here’s the curious part: the sun wasn’t shining in their eyes. It was behind them. They must have had super-sensitive eyes. Even odder… when I stood up after the second touchdown, I turned around and all those that were behind me before, had moved over to the other side of the stadium. I didn’t even hear them! And they had all taken off their sunglasses.