Most every day I make an early morning visit to the store to pick up some groceries and something for breakfast. I don’t want to go out with my hair looking this way because people would either think I was weird, had a double personality, or that I had decided to go contemporary but changed my mind mid-stream. In other words that I had told the barber to cut the hair one way, and then when he was half way through I changed my mind and told him I wanted the other style.
So, to cover a multitude of sins (I Peter 4:6) I put on a baseball cap. Then only the discerning and perceptive eye will know for sure; which means, I can fool most of the people most of the time. Those few who know what I’ve done, I don’t care about anyway. Many of them do the same thing when they go out--that’s why they know. Once in a while I put on my Harrison Ford Raiders hat to go out. It covers the mess and looks better. But it’s a bit too formal for an early morning visit to the store.
I decided to open my own business so I could share with others some of the masterpieces I have unknowingly created in my sleep every night. I remodeled the garage and opened up a men’s barber & hairstyling shop. In order to compete with the other barbers in town I offer an innumerable variety of cuts. The walls are plastered with shots I have taken right after I wake up in the morning. There’s been a lot of interest from the guys in junior high and high school. They are always looking for something new and far out. My shop is pro-active because each young man has creative input in the formation of his own bouffant. They’re eager to get involved and are concerned about their own self-image.
Once they have chosen a hairstyle from one of the pictures on the wall I deviate from the normal and standard process. Instead of inviting them right up to start the cut, I make an appointment with them at their home that evening. I go over to their place at the agreed upon time and we study the photo they want to use. After I’m sure that the picture they selected is what they want to look like, I check the secret code I have written on the bottom right hand corner which reminds me how I slept the night before in order to come up with the hair makeover they want. Together (I said pro-active) we work to recreate the scenario of the exact placement of the pillow, the comforter, and the head position required to duplicate the results obtained in the picture.
With the young men, I get permission from their parents to then tuck them into bed for the night which allows me to make sure that all the previous criteria are in order. With all prior hair renovations I had quietly exited the scene at this point and then waited for the client to wake up, we having previously made an arrangement for him to come to my workplace first thing that morning. But alas, many earlier patrons had either become distracted or had immediately begun to carry out their responsibilities of the day, and had forgotten to make the visit. By the time they remembered the appointment, the masterpiece that we both worked so hard to create the day before had completely fizzled. Because they were the ones responsible for its ‘fizzling out’, they still owed me a creation and consultation fee. And we’re not talkin’ peanuts.
After receiving some major complaints from parents and from the patrons themselves, I decided to guarantee successful results in the future by bringing along a sleeping bag and a pillow, and then I lay myself down at the foot of the client’s bed. As we simultaneously woke up in the morning, I immediately took out a jar of hairstyling gel and made a generous application, enough to maintain the newly created masterpiece in place until we reached the office later on that morning.
It is at this point that I gave them the cut. Once the unnecessary clutter was removed and sufficient wax applied so the style stayed in place, I took a full color pose for them to show to their parents and friends. They also made a previous commitment (if they wanted the discount rate) to wear a small sign on their ear advertising the name of the proprietor and the place of administration. Normally it read ‘See C.A. at D.N.” The name of my business is “The Haircutting Inn”.
Addendum---Don’t know if I have enough hair to worry about now. But there is still some in front and on the sides and in back above the neck. And, like my Dad, when the wind blows I have the same problem that he had. It’s hard to keep it combed in the wind. I try to keep that part combed to avoid revealing too much flesh to the public. I don’t want to embarrass people. Even though there is a dearth there’s still enough to have it look messy and unkempt.
All said and done, I’d rather have a little something up there than nothing at all. I feel that way about what’s under the hair too.
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